Sandy Shares Her Testimony & Past Grief
Life's journey tells a story and each story can save a life. My journey was one I thought to not survive, but I was wrong. I survived and I'm strong. Often times when you share the truth after so many years, you will gain enemies instead of supporters. God is on our side who witnessed the truth and will protect us from our enemies, so we must learn to trust Him. The truth sets the captive free and we must be set free irregardless of what people think, say or attempt to do against our well being. The ignorant falls when deceived by liars, but the wise are rewarded when they discern correctly.
My story begins as follows: My husband was my first and only boyfriend. We dated over a year, and agreed to an old fashion courtship. It was nonsense for me to ever consider driving to my boyfriends home and visit him, and then take turns where he would visit me. Certainly NOT ALLOWED in my opinion. I always believed in old fashion courtship and mutual respect during the process of dating. We dated over a year and married on April 24th 1993.
For years I had suffered with this feeling of a physical violation, but couldn't understand why. I'm happily married; and yet, something within my past was triggering negative memories. It appeared to be forgotten memories of a negative episode. There were times to which my body would react to someone's friendly hug, an embrace or an innocent kiss on the cheek; and I was extremely cautious and stern with the approach of people's physical greetings towards me. I've dealt with this physical defense mechanism since childhood, and through the years it became worse to develop into traumatic habits. It took time of recovery, a step by step process.
In the year 2010, I was able to put closure to my past. I incredibly recovered a memory which took place when I was probably 5 years of age. Chiropractic treatments helped enormously with my health, and opened a window to unblock deep memories of my past. It was a vague or blurred memory confirming my suspicion, for I indeed was molested as a child. I couldn't see or remember more of what took place, but the short memory of the episode allowed me to understand the purpose for the memory block. Not all children will remember certain traumatic episodes, for it depends on how they feel or how much they can handle. With this confirmation, I did find closure and am able to continue forward with my life.
People in the family who knew or suspected of the individual who violated me, should have spoken up. I was JUST A CHILD! Those who knew for sure and kept it quiet will forever live with the guilt and shame. I thank God, I'm no longer the victim and I'm also healed of all past wounds, but shame on anyone who may have known the secret and kept it quiet behind a wall of religion.
Shame on the gossipers who tried to suppress me from speaking the truth; and falsely judged me without knowing the full facts. Besides, it wasn't their business.
The act of forgiveness is to never deny the truth. I forgive all people both past and present. Unfortunately, people who deny the truth will never connect with me and my new family. The act of forgiveness is to also confess all truth, whether you were the victim and/or the person who did wrong. Either way, restoration will take place in forgiveness; and you become free and victorious in life. Denial has kept my past family bound in their own deceptive world, in a place to incarcerate their own soul; and a degrading surrounding for them to also deceive and trap innocent/gullible people who believe their lies. Denial has also kept my past family disconnected from me and my new blessed family.